Redux

Grad school. v__v

Yesterday was super bad. DF really gave me a hard time... I was going to say "earful," but it was mostly about how disappointed he is and how unhappy he is with where we are and how he really thought I could do better; it's not like he actually yelled at me.

What are you supposed to say to stuff like that? "You should have done this" is an engage-able statement, even if my response is "I know, I'm sorry." (Or, you know, "Here's why.")  But "I am disappointed" is inarguable, non-discussible.  I don't even know how to apologize to that. I don't know what to do, except mope around feeling like I should withdraw all my job applications and go make jewellery and sell it on Etsy except I'd probably suck at that too.

So... rough day.

(oh also I got my AAAI camera-ready in and it's good but whatever because of how much of a disappointment I am.)

Furthermore, Mr. Fix-It was supposed to fly in last night, but Delta decided he needed to spend another day in Austin and take another workday off for flying. *Deltaaaa* (shakes fist on top of hill, backlit against a darkening sky)

Rrrgh bitch bitch bitch.  But now I am going to stop.

Dr. P said she found blue lips, well, hard to reconcile.  But I've decided they're actually a pretty good color on me, and fairly flattering.  Know what makes me say so?  This:

OCC lip tar in Traffic.  Special FX hair dye has a shade
called "Yellow as F@#!" (I'm not censoring, that's the
name), which would be more appropriate I think.

Now that is goofy and hard to reconcile.  This stuff makes me feel like I could wear the blue to work!

And now for something completely different*; lips and jerbs

Or... okay.  A lil different.

Talked to #2U today, negotiating startup packages and salary.  I thought it went super well actually, although talking about money and salaries is stressful, but I think I did ok.  I will have enough, when all's said and done, so... ok.

Work is otherwise stupid stressful.  (Since I started this post I had a Skype call.  Yes, at 2am; yes with unhappy adviser man.)  Adviser D is not happy with me for how little I've gotten done.  I've been trying to balance "job hunt" and "graduate" with research, but, well.  He does not think I have done it well.  And the things I have not done yet for the camera-ready tomorrow are unacceptable ("he is very disappointed and not happy").  (Those are not paraphrase quotes, just what he said.)

I am ready to be the boss of me.  If I blow it, I blow it for myself, sort of thing.  Also [whole separate post about anxiety, stay tuned]

Meanwhile!  As much as I love nail polish, y'know what's better?  Being a special effect is better.

What?  I was born that way.  Don't judge, red-mouth.

Here's the smurfy deal.

Obsession Compulsive Cosmetics has this new-ish, formerly "trade only" product they've been hawking, called "Lip Tar".  Basically it's stupidly highly pigmented, highly opaque lip goo.  Applied with a brush – it IS goo – it dries to a semi-matte finish.

I split the base pack with a friend: red, blue, yellow, white, black.  The yellow and white are somewhat not opaque enough (CLOWN pix come soon), but even so, this is remarkable.  The blue coat was one thin layer... probably like 50 atoms of product!  I mean ok not literally, but it is so weirdly little.  I kept wanting to put unnecessarily more on.

PROS: mix goos to make any color ever.  Opaque.  Lovely.  Nonstaining.

CONS: expensive (ish). Some colors feather.

I'm looking forward to playing with these!

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* Monty Python ref.  No?  Either:
1 (it is baffling) look up more Monty Python humor, it is hilarious.
2 (it is not funny) ok, not everyone likes Monty Python.
3 (what are you even on about) get off my lawn! You dang kids! (Until you have looked up "Monty Python" in your Wikipedia or DangKidipedia or whatever, I don't even care, then see 1)