It feels weirdly like asking a girl I'm really, really into on a date, waiting nervously in a state between excitement and terror, and expecting a no. Anticipation of rejection, disappointment, trying to not give up, and a general feeling that I'll never be happy again, no matter how many fish other people claim are in the sea – all overlaid by the grownup-brain that tells me I'm over-reacting to the point of being absurd, I don't even have an answer yet. I know I'm being absurd, but the feelings are real. Stupid meat feelz.Here's where I am now, which is much better:
#4 (my second choice) is making me an offer – on unanimous vote, which is insane. Engineers don't DO unanimous. I will take their offer, probs, because apparently they really want me there AND I want to be there. #4 is amazing and wants me and is very close to Dr. P and Dr. D. I can make this work.And:
My call with #3 (Dream Job) was the most encouraging rejection I've ever received. The chair actually called, and made a point of saying that: 1, it was razor-thin between me and the offer; 2, I was the only finalist who was NOT a postdoc; 3, zhe loves my research and will visit me regularly to talk and collaborate, because zhe spends a lot of time in the city I'm headed to.I mean. Dang. How am I supposed to feel bad now?
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| Normally Tachyon (painfully smart tomcat, 12 pounds, left) just runs when Libra (cute but terrible, 7 pounds, right) decides she wants a spot he's occupying. Apparently sunbeams = détente. |
So... yeah; #3 is turning me down, unless some mystery dude gets a "yes" from CMU in a couple-three weeks AND I am not yet committed to #4. But! Instead of being crushed, my status now is: I could live in a familiar town with access to family and friends who are amazing researchers, where I will do research with people who super value me! And hey. Who knows what the future will bring?
The worst possible outcome now is awesome. Awesome like kitties in sunbeams, which is to say, very, very awesome.
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